Friday, July 8, 2011

Things will get right..

haha. It's another free Saturday. I have attended my commencement and things turned up to be really happening. I thought my commencement might be boring as I expected my whole family will attend cut down to only parents and Dajie+ Yixin however my friends were all there. On the commencement day itself, my friends Kai Yee, XuShen and me attended the interview that will be screened live in the commencement hall. That was really an awesome experience. Hahaha, I cannot believe I shout out loud to the camera, "I LOVE MATHS". My gangs who watched the interview live laughed at the answers Xu sheng, Kai Yee and me gave. And we also have world huge of gangs with parents around to take pictures with and we ruled the UCC with our number.

We managed to take quite some pictures and those pictures were really nice and we grabbed the chance to take pictures with each other parents. Those feeling was indescribable. Flash of memories ran through my head with all the good, bad, sweet and sour experiences. Those were really precious memories that will remain and those memories are also the essence that shaped me. I have become who I am because I have entered University of Singapore. I am really glad to this University for giving me such experience and I really learned a lot throughout this few years.

I though I will not enjoy the commencement as I would because I did not do well in the study, ironically I was extremely happy because I have somehow gone through the hell of study that not everyone can have a chance to try. I have gone through the time where I need to study in the library just to struggle not to fail. Sitting down in front of the desk figuring out how to solve those FUCKING homework that in the end I submitted the solutions that earned me 0%. I have also gone through those time where guilty slammed me hard for not attending the lecture and I played the whole night just to realized the next morning that I was really tired and exhausted to wake up in the early morning. Even if I managed to wake up, I will sleep in the lecture theater for my sleepiness sake.

Those time that play 40%, hall 40% and study 20% was really fond. Now that I think of them I am smiling and I am having a goose bump. Such sweet sweet memories. If I were to choose again, I wont pick the same patch because the courage needed must be huge and perseverance needed to continue do so must be undying. Now that I have work I feel guilty even a slight slack that I choose to take. I feel irresponsible when I am not doing the things that I am supposed to do. I think the last few years in school really has given me a good view in doing things. I have learned and I have grown mature to do the right things. I am really happy for all the decision I have made and all the stupid and silly things that I have chosen to do. Be it alone or with my friends.

I do not wish to go back to school life like most of friends wished but I treasured those time because I think I only need such experience once. Just like marrying, I would only want to marry once with the one I wish to spend my life with.

In my University life, I would like to thanks several people that really gave deep impact to me throughout, they are my parents, my siblings, Audrey, Pupu, and my few swines and dogs friends. When I said swines and pigs friends, you should know I am referring to you right? haha

As for the 2 days trip in Singapore, it turned up to be a trip to babysit Yixin, the empress. She ruled and she is Kawaii and her laughter and smile killed me because she is too KAWAII.. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I do not care as she is too kawaii!!! As for the give from all the jie jie and Bao, I like the watch so much. =D

I remembered what my friend, Yong Sim told me. The scene still clear in my mind, on the way to the SRC padang when we were to compete in the rag, he suddenly told me he can see those horses come alive and will gallop in the RAG dag itself and that time I was really upset as I could not ensure those horses will gallop. At the very presentation minutes itself, I decided to put 3 operators up the float and the WEIGHT gave enough PRESSURE to move the horses. Just like Yong Sim told me, he saw those horses did not give up and they ran as energetically as they could in the competition. This has been like a story of "ENCHANTED" to me ever since. I believe in miracle and faith because my FRIENDS and FAMILY have never given up me.

I am contented

Horace on the Saturday with lots of gratitude.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Another WuLiao Day

I have worked for almost 3 months. Time past in blink of eye. I remembered the process of hunting jobs was very demotivating and thanks to people around me, I got through the hard time. I believe no one can go through hardship alone easily because we need help and I believe this it is the same to others. It is always give and take and we must learn to give before take.

I remembered after my final semester I was very rebellious and wanted to do whatever that I wish and at the same time I did not want things get out of hands.Finally, I still managed to control myself however things still screwed up. I always made a lot of mistakes in my life and I tried hard to correct them immediately. Some mistakes are trivial and some are still haunting me untill today. So whenever I make decision I will have to think about the consequences since I had paid big enough for the previous mistakes.

I think life has it ups and downs- things come and goes just like that. I learned the most when I had my second girl in my life. I was not deserved to have such nice girl friend because I was not suitable for her and she gave me almost everything I have today. From her I learned to act instead of doing just talk. I was forced to the edge of emptiness and was then bounced back to propel and excel. I lived in sorrows and later learn to cherish more. All come with big opportunity cost which prolong for years. I really wanted to give a big thank to her. She has got what she deserved. Amazing girl in my life.

Later on, after I have gone through all the hardship with my friends and family around, I met my third girl. She was slow and childish. With not-so-solid reasons I started with her and things went very terrible at the beginning. I realized I committed to something I might not be able to handle. I was filled with difficult tasks by her and at times I did not really appreciate her but I still gave my best to do what I can. She loved me a lots and learned to compromise so that we can get together better. During this period I have a lots of struggles and at time I need to compromise and also I learn to live with her because I was expecting more. Times passed really fast and in 2 years time, she became a total different girl I knew at the beginning, of course that was without mentioning all the misunderstanding and big/small quarrels we had. I was calm most of the time and she got very emotional most of the time. I did not like to propose my feeling most of the time and she wanted me to propose most of the time. She likes surprise in term of material wise(like roses or picture drawn by me or a love letter) but I like to prepare event that got us spend time together. So much difference and we still got together for 2 years. There was huge compromises between us that keep us together.

After 2 years, we came to the end where we both agree on 1 thing- we are after different things. She gave me the most memorable birthday in my life compared to all the previous celebration and I understand 1 thing during the birthday. My subconscious wants me to settle down while myself, Horace wanted to do more before settle down. I had this dilemma for 3 months and I kept thinking of the solution and the answer for it.

The reasons that my subconscious wanted me to settle down was because when I felt hopeless- hunted for jobs for 2 months and went for multiple interviews but did not get through most of the time at the second interview, I need to have someone to rely on. My parents no longer near me and I have a feeling that I do not want to make them worry about me. I believe this must be man's ego. We all have this ego at different level and I happened to have much ego. I wanted someone to go through our voyage and achieve something together. I wanted someone to be there for me when I collapse even though I stood strong most of the time. Just that few moment when I need my girl to sit beside me and lend me support so that I can keep moving. I also had my best kiss in my life at my recent birthday. At that time I was very upset most of the time because problems kept occurring and I had to deal with my working life. I also need to handle my love life. I had my best surprise in my life when I came back from work, my girl was at my home with all my friends waiting for me to come back. I step to my house's front door and she was standing in front of the door and gave me a welcome kiss. I couldn't imagine any better scenario that could happen to me in my life. At that moment of time, I felt happiness and contented if there were anything to happen to me. All this reasons wanted me to settle down. I was really touched at the day of my birthday because all my hall's friends and house mates made the party so complete. Wx, Cs and Js prepared so much for me and kept me blind from all the preparation until the very end. I went to my room after having the welcome kiss by my girl and open my room's doors, I see my room was fully packed with all of them. I thanks all those who made my birthday so so memorable.

I had learned a lot and I know what to do when the same things happen to me again. I will treat them with heart and will make them last longer if not forever- my friends, my love, my family and my pets(LOLX).

My work in the first 3 months was not smooth and I got a lot of difficulty at most of the time and at time I really need someone to be by my side. I wish for that so much and I did not get what I wished. Today, without all I wanted to at my down time, I have gone through almost all of them. I am happy now and I am living a really good life everyday. I do not have time to do sports anymore but I tried my best to keep my diet and my health at good level. I also no longer able to afford to sleep late and slack so much because I have a lot of commitment to cope with. I am now contented and I will always move to seek for more.

I believe in this quotation more as I grow- If things are to be mine, they will. If things are not meant to be mine, they will not.

Horace-on the day when he need not attend work on Saturday

Saturday, May 7, 2011

My respond towards my last blog

Sometimes I just hate to write blog because it represent what I think at this moment. Somehow, I think writing blog can let me view my thinking and my own development from time to time. My blogs are not interesting and sometimes idiotic to read. But I am a fan of my own product. I was energetic and emotional of most time and became calm and tranquil at time just after 2 months. Things can really be chaotic and uncontrollable. So weird..

What I wanted, something that I believe with strong inspiration can be different. That was really something I really do not believe. I doubted myself and sat alone thinking what was actually happening and I sought for answer. As usual answer won't come to me so easily. I need more time and again I believe I need long period to get things under control.

I look around, I see friends who take things for granted and some friends who did not complain even he/she is in really hard situation. Those are not something easily solved problems. But they are taking the problem easy and dealt with them with patience and intelligence. These are something I really need to learn. There are really great people outside, for example my team manager who can multitask and still possessed great E.Q. Seniors who helped us without being asked for and etc.

What I am really feeling now can be related to my first year in University. What I have used to for few years back changed drastically when I moved to next stage. Just like I was very used to my life in my hometown for many years were to changed to a place so strange to me and yet I need to survive alone with all the support and my loved ones not with me. I still remembered that feeling almost put me in hell. Great great depression stacked with the feeling of helpless. For that, I remembered I made a brilliant move and shifted to hall. A place that drag me out of the edge of helplessness. A place where people are so united and helpful. A place where I can apportion my attention to other things and understand there are more to cherish than the sadness that hunted me.

Also there was the place I achieved some success and did some silly mistakes.

I just watched the movie "13 going on 30" and that enlightened me a lot. Remember not to listen to music when one is not in the mood because the lyrics can means more than usual. Lyrics can make someone sad, it is the same to movie. The moral of the movie can bring greater impact than usual. I watched this movie last year and I do not felt I what I feel just now. That was something I knew long ago. I think there are things I need to let go and move on.

Tomorrow will be better =D


Friday, February 11, 2011

the year of 2011

I have been wanted to write a blog for very long and yet I dun have time to write down. Finally got some time to sit down and write something.

Been graduated 1 month and still finding job. Things seem like not going smoothly but I believe if I dun get nervous sooner or later I will get job. Sometimes my feeling really toy me big time because I dun really wanted to work but playing while everyone doing their stuffs makes me feel useless. I hope things can be much simpler. If things going they way I wanted then I might be working in 2 weeks time. I dun know what is the feeling of earning money because to me spending parents' money has been my culture since I was born.

Still remember last time when I was young, I used to keen in working and earn some money because I can buy things myself. However back in those time, daddy used to disallow me work and further with giving me money if i insisted. I dunno if that was good for me but I definitely enjoyed my life all the way until today in my own way. If only I was allowed to work and learn more than I knew I might not be able to be who I am now. I might be mingled with people that ruin my life, I might look things at different perspective at very young age. NO! I think developing a principle too young might be bad, cos I might be too inexperienced that time and clenching on a not-so-good principle might mold a different Horace. I am still glad to all that happened to me.

I used to shout at my friends and tell them that they are wrong with my limited knowledge and now I still disagree with some of my friends but I dun really tell them and shout at them if not necessary. I find it very annoying when I cannot voice my heart especially to my good friends. They are walking a path that not leading to good, at least that is what I see. I just shut my mouth so that I prevent unwanted situation to occur and I believe all my friends around are showing improvement in their worst sides.

Another thing that really be discussed whole day is when there is a clash in principles. I really think there is not much to be discussed when 2 different people who are holding different conviction are to come to a conclusion points. It will be just a waste of time and furthering this just make a friendship to be worsen. Of course there are few exception like my friends and I. I realized if really there are 1 who can really exchange experience in a peace way, we can understand other more and of course we tolerate more as we know the core reasons for why things happened to him/her or to us.

As for Chinese New Year, things have been very interesting and I enjoyed it a lot. This year with unusual expectation, I am contented with all the activities that was held throughout. No gamble and computer games this year and yet I am busy with activities- from official to unofficial. 1 thing that really make feel extremely satisfied was when KS and me visited WK's house. That freak WK wasn't around and left his parents around in his home. Visiting his parents really enlightened me 2 things. Firstly the real meaning of CNY, that is to visit each other who you think important and secondly to get blessed by them. I was so stupid to believe that CNY is to enjoy ourselves and ignore the rest. Back in last time I used to gamble a lot and spend most of time doing shits. While this year things are really different. Maybe I have played enough and I am finally ready to do things differently.

Hopefully next year CNY we can organize a trip to somewhere with all mt good friends since we can afford the trip. Annual activities seem to be changing gradually and I really do like the changes. People complaint CNY is for children and not for adults. Then I am stupid enough to believe I will be child forever because I dun want to be sad even for a split second. I want to fulfill my dream.

Horace in 11022011
(what a good date =D)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Soon I will be uncle.

My eldest sister is giving birth soon.. I dunno that this feeling can be this great.. I am looking forward to see my niece/nephew.. Of course I am feeling happy for my parents the most.. I can imagine how happy are my parents who will soon be grandpa and grandma..

Raising up children are not easy.. Just looking at myself is already a very good example.. I always give my parents problems up till today... Be is deliberately or accidentally, we are constantly worrying our parents.. I didnt know this feeling till I study oversea.. Staying with parents is simply too nice to be.. We tend to push all the problems to them.. They are more than willing to solve our problems up till we realised that they are not beside us, we will(at least me) start to see how important they are... Just after all the shits they have gone throu they finally receive some awards from their doing.. We son/daughter of our parents are always be their most valuable assets and what make them more rich is when we make them grandpa and grandma..

As much as my parents, I feel great excitement for being part of my sister happiness.. I am looking forward this holiday to see my cute niece/nephew..

People say, when we have our families then we tend to be more mature.. I think I start to understand this throu the fact that I am to be uncle..

Horace... U are promoted..

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Guide to the path!!

Like most of the cases, if not handle properly, the consequences can be disastrous. Or sometimes domino effect will follows. I choose to tackle the prob at all will to make sure things doest grow to the extend which is uncontrollable..

Things will be hard but it worth a shot. I will not do the same exact mistakes that I made.. No more costly mistake for me.. I treasure small small things that I have in my life.. It might be so tiny that people dun think they are worthy, but I choose to believe in what I think valuable.

Things will get better if we think positively.. Or more famous known as "good things always follow those who are posimistic".. One important, wrong term I used when I first held a great responsible as C.Engineer..

keep moving,

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I know what I am doing!!

There are always decisions to make, be it a good decision or bad decision.. It does not come with good consequences with good decision and vise versa. I am aware that sometimes decision is very hard to make especially those involve not only ourselves but others. So whenever this situation happens, we are tend to drag and drag or trying our best to make the situation good.. This isnt a bad way to do, however when the outcome is clear, although tough, action must be taken.

I have made a very big decision over one problem that I consider huge. This decision might not seem good for others, but I think for a better future and other aspects this will definitely be best for both parties.. I am a selfish person, I do not want to lose a friend that I cherish so I always do my best to keep them.. This has been my principles of life since I learn friends are one of my most invaluable assets. I want to remember today as one of important dates in my life.. 8/17.

There are plenty of problems for me to tackle because I am at the verge of inter-phase.. Just hope that I will be okie because at this point I am clueless about what I really wanna be..

I believe if we are positive, things will get better.